Stories Along The Way (June)
These sections will be mostly my journey updates. Eventually, I will add a whole section just for stories people have shared with me through this website.
Before Getting the Ashes
Just before I was removed from my home, I brought my mom's ashes somewhere safe. Now I will return to get the ashes to bring them where she wanted.
June 3-6
The trip has already had so many changes, including a car failure and a friend who has now lost her own mother. I have added a blog section for those interested to see how things are going. Tomorrow I will get my mom's ashes and several updates to the website are coming soon!! Thank you for caring about me :D
Getting the Ashes
June 7
What a long and busy day today. I made it as far as I intended to and stayed on time for my estimates, the whole day.
I managed to see 3 friends, made 5 stops and knitted only one cloth today. Though I knitted an extra one yesterday, knowing today would be like this.
Some friends had an incredible surprise for me, so now the trip will happen without fearing I'll be stuck.
My moms ashes are back with me now and I am already out of dishcloths. I packed the container with the box with my mom's ashes in it, with dishcloths I knitted, if you can believe it!!! So now there are 3 more discloths with no pictures, part of this collection. God knew right when I would need them, long before I did. I just put them in there to keep the box with my mom's ashes from falling around.
There is a strong probability I will have to move tonight because where I have parked is not my favourite place to have parked.
The trip is about 700kms each way. Could be done easily for me, in one day if my car would make it. Instead, if I cover 100kms each day, it will be an achievement. That said, I am also knitting as much as I can in between, too.
No internet tonight, so further updates won't happen until tomorrow.
Unbelievable levels of thank you to God and everyone who didn't discard me as I was made homeless. Especially my friends who were able to make sure I won't be stuck and stranded while I do this. Thank you <3
June 8
Today I started with an efficient plan... and then the day began. I had to get a few things and couldn't find anything I was looking for, drove around in circles and finally found the things I needed. Just about to top up the oil and fuel up, then knit until my hands won't let me anymore!!
I am almost certain I saw an elementary school teacher today but didn't get a chance to ask. Another person kindly asked to learn to knit. Either a small world or a world full of lookalikes!
Covered a fair amount of ground today though. My car thinks it's a Freightshaker and my body is taking the hit. Sleep will be a welcome reset today and tomorrow will be a little more comfortable.
Will post today's knitted cloths, tomorrow. For now- sleep.
June 9
Today was quite a challenge getting cell phone service. I suspect it will get a lot worse from here. All the companies want people to use their "free wifi" nowadays. Would you believe my cell phone company suggested I was too far away from my mailing address when I was less than 10kms away?! Yes. Because people have cell phones so they can never leave their homes... and they know I'm homeless! Never had a problem with their service in nearly 20 years with the same company. That's what loyalty gets you in life. Even when I have been in this town in the past, I have had better cell phone service than I do today!!!
In any case, I managed to upload a few more pictures of dishcloths I knitted and knit more and mailed my first set of dishcloths!!
Today I also told a complete stranger about the website, for the first time!! It's easy to tell friends and family, because they see the awesome things you've done and it's something to think securely about. It is much harder to tell a stranger.
June 10
Today I was able to travel during the day because of cloud cover so it wouldn't shred my tires as fast. Stressful as my life has become, I do still find gratitude in the little things.
And then I drove on grated pavement, on a road under construction when I didn't have to, I purposely took the scenic route and thought, well- at least it wasnt grated pavement and the sun blasting on it the whole day!
Today has been a day full of fighting crying. The closer I get, the more aware I am that whatever I had left of her, can only be in my heart from now on. Which is fine, it's what she wanted and it's not the full amount of her ashes which are not in my care.
She got a sunset drive today with me though. And that was truly special.
In case anyone reading is wondering, no, her ashes are not in the seat. They have had to rest in unusual places when the car is parked, due to heat and humidity, etc. I did talk to her ashes for the first time today. Luckily no one answered!!!
June 11
Houston we lost one!! I must have handed it out to someone... so now, one picture has no completed cloth and one completed cloth has no picture. From the same ball.
What a day of losses. Though I gained one thing back, if it was lost at all.
Tomorrow sometime, my mom's ashes will be in her hometown. So. If anyone is afraid of what might happen to them once her after death wishes are carried out... um....
It is hard to be patient and wait to drive, but even with the amount of driving I did today, I am sure I can expect complete engine failure on the drive back. But. I did drive in short intervals the whole way, even on days I covered significant distance.
So tired tonight, even though I have slept right through many efforts to stop me from sleeping. As if. I used to have to sleep in a moving truck. I can almost sleep standing if I want to!!!
June 12
Today was a complete rollercoaster. I arrived, then had to turn around nearly an hour to search the graveyard my mom's parents were buried at for their grave, which I never did find but I did walk through the entire place. A couple times. Then, I made it back to her hometown, had no service almost at all while I was there and spent the night at an aunt's. My phone nearly died through the night because while I had a charger, I did not have a connector for a wall outlet and I forgot to put it on airplane mode, so it just searched for signal all night long. One of my aunt's friends had this awesome multi-doc charger that got me to about 40% though! Thank you <3
June 13
I had planned to say that on the 7th day, she is now resting in the place she wanted. In a way that is true. But her ashes are still with me.
What a massive plot twist that turned out to be!
There were 2 big problems. The first, was that my family were concerned about the legality and we could not find the letter of the law in the city bylaws. Though an Al response in a search engine said it is perfectly legal. The second problem was much bigger. The spot she wanted has been turned in to a road. The pier removed, a great big fence preventing access and even visual of the water. Where she wanted, no longer exists.
I was able to find city bylaws from other towns though so I will get her ashes somewhere I know she will be at peace. I am not keeping them, I am not wearing them as jewlery.
Instead, one aunt and myself, placed the box her ashes are in, on the ground where the pier used to be. I got on my knees, we said a prayer and took a moment of silence, followed by a few tears on my part and a long but very short drive back to another aunt and uncle's home.
That uncle also took us out for a most delicious breakfast! What an incredible meal! I have only been to my mom's hometown, less than 10 times in my life but every time, they have been incredible. That same uncle even taught me how to properly pick up a bird when I was young.
So now, the adventure of carrying out my mom's afterlife wishes is well extended and I'm not sure what to do. I couldn't even pretend I would knowingly involve my family in breaking any laws though, regardless if it is actually ok (which, by all accounts I could find it seems to be).
She is at rest in some capacity already. I know it by the wav I was overwhelmed with tears. The physical ashes are no longer necessary, though whatever I do, I pray God will lead the way and that I will hear Him.
Now the return trip.
I managed more miles than I should have in the interest of comfort tomorrow, though the car got lots of rest today.
June 13
An extra special mention today, for my grieving friend who lost her own mother as I started creating this website ❤️
June 14
Was able to travel during the day today, with plenty of cloud cover, cooler temperatures and rain. What a relief to the heat blast the weather has been. Covered a lot of ground today, though the rest of the trip will be slower.
I haven't managed to get pictures to post of 2 more completed discloths and I have every intention of taking advantage of the much more comfortable weather for sleeping in tonight.
I could have maybe put down more miles today and felt like I needed to but then I remembered I am not just doing this just to do it. I am doing this with purpose.
In a very interesting dream last night, I answered a phone that wasn't ringing and was thanked. Dreams are such a curious part of rest. This trip with my mom's ashes is so long overdue. I am sad I didn't get to put her ashes where she wanted but I am also looking forward to where I will bring them. Though I am still undecided on the exact spot. There are a handful of places I am thinking of and I truly don't know which she will like best. I know which I will like best but this is not about me. It's for her.
All I can do is try to make sure I don't miss what God wants from this point. It is really easy to mistake God's wishes for what we think is right in this life.
And now for a night of sleep so good I forget where I am when I wake up in the morning!!
June 15
Finally got the picture of the latest dishcloths taken and posted. Have 4 left of that batch and working on another already. Plus!!! I have figured out what to do with all of the ball leftovers. More on that when the time comes. And!! I am just about to start the second batch of yarns! I have about 4, maybe 5 batches with me. Though it's unlikely I can get it all knit fast enough. I sure am trying though. There are a few things that help knitters move faster but I can't go any faster than I do. I do try to do the index finger rise instead of letting go of the whole needle with my tension hand but that only works a few stitches at a time before the lead has to move. It is happening though. It's really, really happening!! Today someone even recognized me at the truck stop, from a different truck stop last week!!
I may be effectively erased, but I am not going down like that!
June 16
Today was mostly unremarkable. I knitted as much as I could and that's about all I did. I did, however, happen to see a seagull, eating the contents of someone else's throw up in a parking space. So grateful I was not born as a seagull...
June 17
Today I got to catch up with my friend who made sure this trip happened. I started out with a dead battery (alternator is failing) and had 8 dishcloths to give to my friends, but then gave one to the person who gave me a boost. Then, I was only going to have 7 for them but I finished the one I was working on while I was there. They are considering carpeting with the flow of dishcloths coming in now :D
I am really looking forward to the next part of this, with all the remaining parts of the yarn.
I am not sure how I will figure out where to spread my mom's ashes now. This is a matter of waiting for what God's answer will be and hopefully hearing and discerning correctly. What a huge turn of events that was. Though part of me appreciates having her ashes with me this much longer- and innately I am almost sure that wherever I do spread her ashes, folks with power enough to make me homeless and destroy me in so many ways, are likely to make sure I can never return to where I spread her ashes. I must think very carefully about where I put them at this point.
June 18
Today I made it back to where I started. Though my mom's ashes weren't with me yet when I started.
I don't know how long it will take to hear from God about what to do with the ashes. I have considered many different places, for different reasons and found something with each that changed my mind.
All I can do is pray I hear or interpret God's instruction correctly on this. The important parts, the graveyard walk- even though I didn't find the grave and the prayer where she wanted her ashes spread originally, those parts are done.
Hopefully I won't wait too long or miss whatever sign He sends, because I can barely stay parked. It feels like I need to get moving, right now; but where? The trip has not ended, despite the fact that I am back where I started.
It is true that the waiting is the hardest part. In driving work, there's an expression drivers use: "Hurry up and wait." I am good at waiting in just about every other circumstance. This time though, I am terrible at it.
June 19
For this weekend, I will wait until the end of the weekend to post pictures of the dishcloths I knit so it will for sure be a surprise for the folks who will get them on Monday :D
I will take pictures before I hand them out, but won't post them until Monday night. I will keep updating this section though.
And. I suspect I will wake up to a dead battery again tomorrow. ....
June 20
Tried hard but couldn't quite reach 7 dishcloths since yesterday afternoon. That is the most I've done in 24 hours yet but my hands and body are very very sore. I definitely won't have enough done by Monday evening for the people this set is intended for. But I won't give up either!
Car battery did ok but I have made a few pretty big changes that will keep me a little safer should the car battery die through the night. It's going to end up that I'll need a new battery and alternator. Though the battery should still be covered under warranty.
Body and brain are both completely fizzed now as I head to bed but I did have some company over the noon hour and that was lovely.
Found a memorial today that left me asking more questions than I can even think to ask.
Folks have steadily reminded me it's soon my birthday for about a week now. I stopped caring about my birthday long, long ago. Since being homeless though, I can barely even pretend to celebrate my birthday.
June 21
Today flew by in the midst of intentional turmoil. Spent most of the day crying on and off though I still managed to knit 2.5 dishcloths and will get as far as I can on a 3rd. I definitely won't have enough for everyone at coffee hour but I'll drop this batch before they even get there anyway and send another batch next week, at which time I hopefully won't be fresh off a day full of tears.
Folks sure do know how to make a bad day worse. Imagine if they invested all that energy in to doing better things with their lives, instead of playing hurt you more all the time?...
June 22
Success! I got the dishcloths to the folks at coffee, there were more than enough plus I finished one more while we all chatted and today was overall, just a much better day than yesterday.
My second batch of yarn I have with me is nearly knitted. Probably by end of day tomorrow.
I did dream a dream last night but it was not word from God on what to do with my mom's ashes. They are still with me, I am still waiting to know what to do.
Even if my nay-sayers call me all the things they call me, I can't put away my smile when I look at this website! Until this moment, I believed my entire life had been made fruitless. Even in the worst despair, God kept my life fruitful.
June 23
And now it is down to the wire. We'll see how I do over the next few days before there is some income again.
I did manage to knit 3 whole dishcloths today and will start another one before bed tonight. Regardless of naysayers, I am not giving up on this. This was a path God laid out for me and that is no joke. Had to move locations just to get service so over the next few days, it's possible posts won't be routine as I run out of fuel. One spot, I can charge the phone but have no service, the other spot I have service, no charging. And I cant stay anywhere more than a couple days at a time.
I have started batch 3 of yarn now. I may have closer to 10 batches of yarn in the car with me. There is no chance at all, that I will run out of yarn anytime soon!! I realized today, that where I used to volunteer before my home was ripped away from me, even got a set of dishcloths from me as I tried to reduce the amount of yarn I had because of eviction!
This is not all I have ever done with my life either. I am the person who handed over my tips to keep other people's kids fed while they were away at school in a new city. I am the person who called 911 in time to prevent a local restaurant from blowing up early in the morning with an abandoned car in the street. I never in my life had to be asked to help people. I just did. I never asked for anything in return. I have always believed that the excellent things I have done, only God ever needed to see and I couldn't list everything, even if it wanted to. There have even been people who have done serious damage to me, that I didn't even know they were hurting me back then- that I have done things like paying their rent, knowing they blew their money partying, etc.
I am down to the wire. I am not desperate. Angry, yes. Not desperate. Posts may be sporadic over the next several days. I have utmost faith that God will find a way. He made this path for me, He will not let me down.
June 24
Nearly the entire day today, was used up on car trouble. Finished 1.5 dishcloths, hopefully pictures coming as soon as I finish the last half of the one I was working on before I was rescued today.
My mechanic can't justify replacing the battery under warranty yet. Though if the battery won't hold charge in a few days, maybe. But for now, I have to just keep pushing through. The alternator is the bigger issue and I am not even getting that looked at yet. Plus some kind of technical glitch was what happened today, which then drained the battery entirely.
My rescuer is going to have quite a collection of dishcloths.
I said something similar to my best friend earlier today too, but to everyone who stands by me through thick and thin, good heavens thank you. For everyone, seen and unseen, watching the site for updates; for everyone who sees what an incredible opportunity Dishcloths For Donations really is; thank you. This is God's path for me, even though people would not change their minds. God will not let me down and one day, I am going to look back on the day it was all I could do to just keep knitting in between texts, watching my phone battery die while my car was already toastier than toasted and I will say to myself: "You kept knitting, even when you wanted to curl up in a ball and quit. Even when you were so stressed you couldn't count your stitches. Even when stress sweat poured off of you like you had sweat to spare. You. Kept. Knitting. Look how well that turned out for you." And it will. Jesus didn't die so I could be killed too. He died so I could live.
June 25
Today, try as I might, I could not complete the third dishcloth. It is a very difficult material to work with and had I started with this one today, I wouldn't have been able to knit anything else so just 2 completed today. The material for the 3rd, will also melt, all the way if it gets put in a drier, ever. And I mean melt :O I am considering not even adding this one to the collection because this material could be so dangerous if I give it away. But it will get knit. I just might also light it on fire somewhere safe.... (Update: that dishcloth is set aside, separate from giving away but I haven't lit it on fire yet)...
June 26
Today, inspiration hit for a specific collection to make. I have started the first one. I have 2 more normal dishcloths done that aren't updated on the site yet because their picture is waiting until morning. I will post the specific collection on Canada Day so it could be a few days before there are more new pictures (except the 2 that will get posted in the morning).
Still nothing on what to do with my mom's ashes yet and last couple days, I don't even remember my dreams when I wake up. Waiting ever so impatiently.
The inspiration of this came to me so easily that I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. But. All the more to show, God's timing is perfect no matter how impatient I am!!!
June 27
Finished 3 more dishcloths today, though I won't post them until July 1, for Canada Day.
Still no clue what to do with my mom's ashes. Not even a hint.
June 28
The hardest part is complete! I should be back to regular pictures of dishcloths the day after tomorrow!! I still have a couple minor corrections I may make to the Canada Day Collection, and, I may run out of yarn for one part of it, but- we'll see. It took about 4 hours of trial and error just to get the right format to use, then another 5-7 hours just knitting, nearly holding my breath every row, finally exhaling as I completed each row. There were a few times I was about to back up multiple rows (though I did use a lifeline- it wasn't where I needed it when I nearly backed off several rows). In the end, I opted to just make necessary corrections once it was complete and now it's not perfectly symmetrical but I have to make sure I have enough yarn before I can mess around with any further corrections. It is awesome though!! No pattern to follow, just a basic idea and a screenshot of the basic points and that is it!! If those teachers could see what they started! I actually can't believe it turned out as well as it did, though imperfect, considering the circumstances. I could have at least graphed out a picture of how I wanted it to look, but my knit gauge could not be properly assessed until I got to a certain point, so I couldn't even have tried to graph it without making serious adjustments. I had nothing to look forward to with my birthday this year and now I can hardly wait to post the finished collection!! It amazes me how such inspiration can come from such a despairing place of helplessness. Only God can do that! <3 Amen!
June 29
Today I completed the Canada Day Collection!! It's awesome!!!
I also managed a couple more normal dishcloths and yes, it is possible my hands will fall off. Almost all I did today, was knit after yesterday being already really hard on the hands. Tomorrow may have to be something of a rest day, but I did manage one more picture which I can post tonight still.
I am really excited to post the Canada Day Collection!!!
June 30
Well. If the fires of hell are anything like this heatwave, I expect anyone who had to withstand the elements today will soon choose God for that reason alone 🫠🫠
Today was not a day for anyone to be outside.
I have been told more homeless folks die from the summer heat than the winter cold. We haven't even reached the peak of this heatwave yet. The next few days will be very hard to manage. And even once the heat backs off a bit, it will only be a bit.
Tomorrow is my birthday though, starting in 15 minutes. This will be my 3rd birthday homeless.
Happy Canada Day!!
