Stories Along The Way (July)
These sections will be mostly my journey updates. Eventually, I will add a whole section just for stories people have shared with me through this website.
July 1
Happy Birthday To Me (and Canada)
Happy Birthday To Me (and Canada)
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday To Me!! ... and Canada....
If you happen to notice plenty of the navy blue and light purple dishcloths, it's because these balls are gigantic. I am likely to get 50 dishcloths out of each one!! Doing my best to mix it up as much as I can though. One of the folks at coffee already asked if I need more yarn too! Thank heavens for people in this world who like to see people thrive!!
Though there is no such thing as thrive in this weather 🫠🫠🫠... however, when the weather turns cold, I'll be complaining then too.
July 2
Today was definitely more along the lines of that day of rest. Had a lovely birthday lunch and put myself to bed before the sun even dipped out. Thank heavens this heat is supposed to back off a bit. It will still be nearly 30 degrees after today but then cool off at night. 40 degrees with 30 at night is just too much. I never want to know how people living near the equator survive it. I can't say I enjoy winter much either. We have some 40 degrees difference in seasonal temperatures throughout the year. The body was not designed to withstand that year over year.
The break from the heatwave will still be pretty hot; incomplete relief.
I did manage one dishcloth today but since I took so much of this day to rest, I will just include today's dishcloth in tomorrow's pictures.
Still no hint what to do about my mom's ashes but the box plays a nice tune I've listened to nearly every night.
July 3
Pretty hot still.
Had to really talk myself through some doubt today and wouldn't you know it, within a few hours, God showed me job well done on keeping my faith in this.
This really and truly is God's new thing in my life and Him making a way where there seems to be no way. He knows where and how He is leading me. Whatever other things people say and do to try to manipulate their own agendas over His, too bad for them.
July 4
Did I miss an important moment today or did I keep myself safe? I will never know.
One thing I do know, is that I have had a lot of time to face myself and every detail of every memory I have ever had since being homeless.
There are so many things that, when they happened, there wasn't even anything to forgive because faith had me believing it would not matter down the road or that God would move on it and I could just carry on. It is those things people are usually talking about when they say you'll be hurt for loving God because most of the time, they just turn in to long term damage.
Luckily this life is not eternity but is what determines our eternity because I can't imagine this type of suffering forever.... though it was at least less heat and humidity than in hell today!!
July 5
Had myself a spill today. Luckily nothing is broken but I have a neck injury that makes every trip and fall a life and death matter. Thank God for His Grace. The way I landed, couldn't have been more perfect. That's the beauty of trusting God in every step. Doesn't mean you never fall. Doesn't even mean you won't get hurt. It does mean He is right there with you. Today, God was able to cushion me. The way I fell, I should have ended up covered in gook too. Wearing a white sweater. Not one bit of dirt on my clothes, no rips, nothing. Today, God's Grace held me well as I fell.
There are so many people in the world who do bad things to people because they don't believe and think they'll diminish God by diminishing his people. They are wrong. If everyone watching me from all the various cameras hasn't seen God's hand over me, my entire life; they never will and they should just keep believing in the idols they serve so God can take care of me with ease (and it is very likely that folks watching said cameras today, laughed and any further translations will also include ridicule).
There are even times folks watching available cameras have probably seen God's hand over me, when I didn't even see or know about it. The things I've safely driven through, the times I've not fallen when I should have. Etc.
So I am clear; it is people who made me homeless, not God.
July 6
Again down to the wire... God willing, someone viewing the website will want the Canada Day Collection and fast, with a mind to help make this a success.
I have already found inspiration for a whole other set with some Christmas yarn too!!! For those who start their Christmas shopping pretty early, they will make excellent gifts and they'll be exclusive; only a few in the entire world. It will take some time before I work out the pattern but it's going to be awesome!!! I can't wait to post the first one!
The next collection is going to be awesome!!!!
Still no idea what to do with my mom's ashes but plenty of word from God that I am exactly on the path he is doing a new thing for me in. The possibilities are infinite with this.
God loves epic stories of turning things around and God loves me!
July 7
Today, no pictures but 2.5 cloths knitted. Sheltering at a friend's for a couple days so I can be near to the doctor if need be, get a haircut and maybe help my friend however I may be useful.
And ooh she feeeddddd meeeee!!!!
Refuge this time was necessary. I am lucky there are still people in this world who care enough to help me. Absolutely nobody in this position can be a good friend or maintain standards other people normalize when they are safe in life.
Pictures of today's dishcloths will get posted sometime tomorrow.
July 8 & 9
Today and yesterday have been quite quiet. I did manage to get a picture posted of the last couple days' worth of dishcloths. Otherwise, just trying to get my sweat to stop sweating. Still down to the wire, with no end in sight and listening to folks reveling in it while they spread campaigns on why not to support Dishcloths for Donations. All I can do is keep praying God turns it around. God will turn it around.
***it is even more dire now, and still some 20 days before any further regular income comes. If you were thinking about helping at any point, do reach out to info@fundknitter.ca your support will keep me alive***
July 10
What a day! Narrowly food and fuel till tomorrow now.
Still utterly down to the wire. Still at it.
My hands nearly fell right off today, though one dishcloth had to be a little smaller because the yarn ball was going to run out!! Managed 4 dishcloths in one day. I didn't even come close to 50 dishcloths for the purple and navy blue but still got a lot.
One dishcloth left and I can start the next batch of yarn. Unsure if I will start the first Special for Christmas ones, or if I will get a few more regular dishcloths together first.
As stressful as it is; wondering if I'll eat today or not (though hopefully that will soon be not an issue), it is really exciting watching this grow one dishcloth at a time!!
God does not want to see me in destitution. The government does, God sure doesn't.
July 11
Was about to go to bed hungry tonight and found some change, first in a sewing bag, then in between the seats. Was still $1 short for what I got, but they had compassion and covered it. Just earlier today, I said; God will provide and if not, He will give me the strength to endure. Tonight He did both. Though... He is going to show up so much bigger than being a day late and a dollar short (the day late part is because I went the whole day thinking I was going to sleep hungry tonight).
Today, I go to sleep not hungry. Tomorrow is the perfect day for a miracle.
I will survive this. God will make a way.
I have had it where without even asking God, just knowing I needed money; walking down the street and there's $50's on the ground. Happens all the time. Do they just float out of people's wallets? Does someone wealthy just secretly go leaving large bills places? Who knows....Though it has never happened to me when I wasn't broke, but maybe other times my head was up so I just didn't notice?
People backed me in to this corner. Get ready to be amazed by God and even more mad at me for not bending to the will of people! 😉 It will happen. Hopefully before I miss another meal...
July 12
Today started much worse than it ended!! My rescuer showed up and rescued me again, so food and fuel are both live to fight another day (a few days) for now. Made it back to my friend's and got the Special for Christmas started!!!! I will give myself an hour or two each day for that, while focusing steady on getting more dishcloths made. What an excellent, excellent day today turned out to be!!! I tried to start a 3rd dishcloth, but tired is about to take over. It's supposed to get ugly hot again too. Better sleep while I can!
July 13
Today was the first donation through the website!! To this point, it has largely been friends and family getting this going and while it was someone I previously knew, it was the first donation online!!!
I have no idea how to collect it yet but that's a tomorrow problem :D
I did only get one dishcloth knitted today but achieved so much I couldn't list it all if I wanted to. And! Had pasta with my friend at her place today. I haven't had pasta since being homeless... yes I did eat 2 helpings! We both did!!!
So much fell together almost perfectly today, even though I faced a couple of pretty intense challenges and things did go wrong (mostly me being too hot to handle having a brain- much less use it) but it was inexplicably perfectly aligned.
God is so much in this, I can almost hear Him cheering for me! Hard as it has been and though I am walking a tightrope of sorts, I know it is going to get easier/better from here. I'm full right now, so I say to myself, no more missed meals. It is entirely in God's hands and that makes me smile.
The entire time I was getting rid of my things, the Bible verse "God will do a new thing in your life" kept playing in my head. I kept saying no to it, though it was already happening. I was already obediently doing exactly what I was supposed to for the most part.
And. While I was posting this, God showed his hand again- barely a few minutes after I had just finished saying excellent things are on the way, I can feel it through and through.
A person put a little extra fuel in my car tonight and asked me to pray for them. I would like to invite anyone reading this to also pray for that person and for privacy reasons, we'll call the person Wind;
"God, please take a moment to see how hard Wind is working to be pleasing in your eyes and the eyes of people you carry, including myself. Help us all grow together, however far away we may be and glorify everything You do from here to evermore. Thank you so much for the things which we take for granted and forget to say thank you for, may we still show our gratitude wherever we forget to say the words and give us strength where we are empty-handed and powerless but for You. Help us all to stay safe, regardless of circumstances and help us improve our circumstances wherever there is room for improvement. You alone, God, are capable of more than we can ask or imagine. We pray this in Jesus' Name. Amen."
*I do not usually say my prayers out loud. I actually don't often even pray anything specific, except in moments of crisis (like near crashes when I shout "Jesus!" out loud in reliance on Him). I spend a lot of time in prayer (I live in such a constant state of prayer that I nearly forgot to close the above prayer with "Amen"!!!) but for the most part, I patiently let God guide my prayers. He hears every thought. He knows our hearts. The hairs on our heads. Writing this prayer out has been a step I have not yet taken in life. Now I have. Thank you Wind. You did more than you know.
July 14
Things are moving fast now!!! The website had a whole bunch of new views that weren't even me speaking of it!
I did have another dream I can't make any sense of yet and still nothing definitive about what to do with my mom's ashes. I wonder if God will wait until autumn to show me?
Someone came up to me interested about what I was knitting today, I told the person about the site and they put a cash amount in my knitting bag. Previously, I had declined cash donations because of fear of places I have to stay, kicking me out but in this case, I made the exception. I also have to be very cautious not to carry cash on me, for safety. I appreciate the donation very very much, regardless.
The more you have to spend on survival, the more survival costs- especially over prolonged periods of time. An example of this is; someone taking a vacation can often do it for $1000/person or less, for 2 weeks and it's usually "all inclusive." Someone renting a hotel for survival, can expect to pay $150-500/per night + the things they need. Another example; if you're out of toilet paper at home you have to pay the shelf price. If you can afford to get your toilet paper when it's on sale, you can save up to $200/year. The entire way the system is designed, is like that. That is how 2 people can earn the same amount and one falls further behind, one gains constantly. Physical earnings, in any job are only as useful as the cost of living and the cost of living varies drastically from one person to another, depending on circumstances. There is a meme that often circulates where a mother is telling her child to study better or the child will end up like that garbage truck driver and the meme bites back about how much the garbage truck driver earns. How many of those children will never have to rely on physical income for their survival in the first place.
Folks often correct the phrase of money being the root of all evil but it's actually love of money being the root of all evil... Jesus had a treasurer when he walked the earth. God does not expect people to live in lack. The reason Jesus told the wealthy person to sell his things was to show the person that they loved materialism more than God. It was not ever to be used as an excuse to create, force or enforce, poverty. When Jesus flipped the tables, it was because the they used money to be oppressive.
I have worked very hard through my life. Often worked more days in the week than there are, just to barely get by. No matter how hard I worked or earned, no matter how much I gave, there has always been more to take from me than I was making. When I say my entire life was stolen from me, there is so much more to it than just the eviction- devastating as it was and still is.
I have utmost faith that yes, there is magnificent abundance waiting for me when I die; but I still have to live in the meantime. Time doesn't stop because poverty stole everything from me. In fact, time seems to slow down. I have even more faith that God will turn this around, more than I can even think of in my living life as well at this point too though: especially as folks try to make me accept less and less.
Jesus did not die so I could be killed. He died so I could live. It is God's absolute greatest joy, to be able to turn things around; for the better. He can do more than we can ask or imagine. And He will. He already is. Amazing things are already starting to happen and it's going to be more than I can ask or imagine. Sure, folks who want to hold me down may well kill me before God shines in the way only He can, but- they will suffer eternity if they do that. Sin is not the same thing as steal/kill/destroy.
July 15
Due to wildfire smoke, I have taken shelter at a friend's for a few days. Busted out the bible last night for a revelation refresher too. The wildfires are apparently worldwide according to the internet, with North America being the worst right now. Weather trackers say it will stop by the time we get some rain and there's a named tropical storm off the coast of Mexico so precipitation will push inland but this will put many lives in jeopardy.
Just before COVID hit, BC, the Amazon and Austrailia already had forest fires/bush fires enough that 1/3 of the forested land was lost in the fire zones and since then, wilfire smoke has been significantly worse in BC, every year. In Canada, we have so much forestry that we don't see the loss as prevalent as we should.
Stay safe and thank you for caring enough about me, to check in on the blog!!
July 16
Well, at around 50 dishcloths knit, I told myself I would take myself out for dinner (hopefully with a friend) when I reached 100. That will definitely not be happening. Likely to reach 100 dishcloths knitted by tomorrow and no end in sight to being completely broke. I maintain that God will turn this around so big, folks will be embarrassed.
July 17
100 Dishcloths are now complete!!
July 18
Though I did try to get back to the truck stop yesterday, I got there and the air quality was still too smokey so I ended up back at my friend's for one more day, while she had company!! The air improved today and before the day was out, I did make it back to the truck stop.
To the folks who stopped and chatted with me while on their own travel journey; I pray safe travels and adventures for you all and that where you are headed won't be at risk of wildfires right now. Be safe friends, thank you for caring!
Such amazing wonderful things are happening with this website!! I even got a little message of thank you from wildlife today.
God is so incredibly doing a new thing in my life and it is already making such a massive difference for so much more than just me!!! Right down to small gestures that are just me doing one small thing to not be wasteful. THAT is salt of the earth (don't get me wrong, people emptying trash cans loathe when I pull up).
So many people think being salt of the earth means being bitter and detestful, even I have interpreted it that way at times but when you experience a salt of the earth moment like that, suddenly you see the preservation aspect so much clearer.
July 19
I tried so hard to complete 5 dishcloths today but had to stop because I might have fallen asleep in the truck stop if I had kept going and definitely wouldn't have updated the website. I tried. It was a valiant effort!! I was asking God for strength to complete the last one, almost as soon as I sat down and he would have given me the strength to finish that one, no doubt- but then I would have had nothing left for the site and might not have made it to bed... Goodnight <3
July 20
Almost done this batch of yarn, just a bit more until the whole second round. Planning to twist some thinner yarns together to make them strong enough to be dishcloths, we'll see how that goes. I started out trying to turn the yarn in to a single chain crochet the whole way, but realized I'd be at it for the rest of my life and thought better of it 😂
The next batch is a few larger balls again and I am almost there on 50 to my friend for her church!!!
Every day I wrestle between thinking this will never go anywhere and knowing there is so much potential I can't even think of all the potential myself. Regardless how hopeless I feel, I do know without wavering, God put me on this path and it is not about buying and selling (though I wait patiently for someone to see that Canada Day Collection and want to help). I look forward to when I get to God and he starts reminding me of some of the amazing, wonderful things I did along the way, that put glory to his name; regardless of those meaning to harm me. I can't wait to watch Him smile as my face unfolds "oh yeah, I forgot all about that!" He keeps better track of our lives than we know. Every thought, every tear, every hair on our heads. This website is going places, even on days when I struggle to believe that. Not because of me but because of He.
***a few hours after my original post, I was nearly finished the next dishcloth and a family came near where I was sitting. I sat there fighting tears, lost in my own tragedy but did my best to plow through, keep on knitting- telling myself I have purpose, forget what people say and have done to me. I finished the dishcloth just in time to give the grandmother of the family one. The whole family reminded me so much of the family of my friend who just lost her own mom. I don't know if there is sadness in their hearts at this time or if it was truly my own heart, but they left smiling and I feel better now too. God works in mysterious ways.
July 21
The countdown begins!!! Just a few days left until I can get contact cards for the website and a few other things. Will mail 50 dishcloths to my friend for her church and include some contact cards!!
I leave the door as wide open as I can for God to shine on through!! When God does start to restore my life, I have every intention at laughing at folks who had to steal my life in order to make their own better (though don't get me wrong, this website will not go anywhere as long as they continue to hold me down- and only God can fix that) 🤪... not only is God's restoration better, more solid and unbreakable but it doesn't come with an eternity full of guilt. Hopefully things start moving well before then but- at a minimum, come the end of the month, at least a few things will improve.
July 22
Tomorrow I will go to a church food bank (to help replenish the food of my friend's that I have been eating this month) and I will bring probably 10 matching dishcloths with me!!! I would have liked to have waited until I have also contact cards but food can't wait, ever.
It actually disgusts me that this has happened to me in one of the most prosperous countries in the entire world. They blame me, using every excuse they can think of until people see it as my fault. Some of the stories even compound each other. And when the reality that there is not one thing I ever could have done differently to prevent this, starts to really hit people who went along to get along; it will already be too late for them and they'll be stuck in this already too.
But. Though they did all this to me, God has shown me over and over that He is doing a new thing in my life and this will be unbreakable. All the false idols in the world, don't measure up to one drop of God. Faith of a mustard seed. Before the eviction, I sprinkled dry mustard seed in the hallway and still keep that jar in my car today.
God IS making a way.
July 23
This morning when I woke up, there was a dishcloth that didn't make it back in to any bag last night sitting out. I set it in a safe spot (so safe I almost forgot where I put it when the time came) and thought, "I hear you God, I will do my best to make sure this cloth goes to whoever will be needing it." And then carried on with the day.
The food bank went really fantastically well! For anyone who has ever had to use that food bank, today, your volunteers were thanked!!! The dishcloths all matched, plus one they said they'd hand out to someone through the day!!!
YES!
Then, just as a Corvette was being loaded on to a tow truck and I walked right over to the owner, handed him the dishcloth, spoke of the fundraiser but not the website and carried on.
I was careful with the dishcloths as I packed the bag last night for the food bank volunteers. It was in God's grace that that dishcloth stayed out of the bag. It is certainly easy enough to drop things in the car and does happen all the time, but- that was the first time I nearly lost a dishcloth.
Not a day goes by that I don't see something from God, showing me He has carved this path for me amidst all the damage people have done to me.
Today, the website showed no new views. I find that hard to believe considering how many people already know about the fundraiser. Today would have been a very disheartening day but for God's grace. They may try to discourage me, God won't allow that. Something something footstool. :D
July 24
Today is mostly unremarkable so far.
I have come to realize some of these dishcloths will make better real estate staging decorations or hot plates than dishcloths though. Eventually I hope I'll be buying dishcloth purpose yarn, but- all of this yarn has been yarn I had and yarn that was given to me. The way I see it though, is that each cloth will go to exactly who needs it and be perfect just for them.
As I move forward with this, the possibilities are endless. Everything from restaurants to volunteer kitchens can easily have sets of dishcloths tailored specific for them and because it's donations; not buying and selling, the door is wide open for their own budgets. In some cases, I can even give dishcloths over here, while someone else over there, provides funds.
God sure is making a way!!!!
July 25
50 dishcloths for my friend's church ready to go!!! They have been moved to all 50 in one bag. Hopefully it will be enough 😁
July 26
Today I discovered I lost track of how many dishcloths I knitted. Only out by about 10 in my estimation (17 total since this update of 4). They are going a little faster to knit because I have had a couple balls of thicker yarn, most of which is knitted now. A younger person stopped and asked what I was knitting today. We'll call him Mac. Huge shout out that he even knew I was knitting but even more amazing he mentioned he previously used a knitting loom!!
He didn't ask me to pray for him but in this case I am taking the initiative because I think I should. He listened to me talk about how much I know God is making this way for me, a prayer is the least I can do (along with everyone reading this).
"Dear God,
Please roll with Mac today and every day and on every road. Keep him safe in your comfort and lead him to every opportunity that will put glory to your name while feeding his curiosity and bravery simultaneously, in healthy and safe ways that will always be recieved well. Since there is no way I will ever be able to thank him for his kindness, please God, show him how much you love to see neighbours loving each other.
Through you, all things are possible; even the things we cannot think of ourselves. May we always have ears to hear your encouragement and walk with your purpose in mind. Thank you for the comfort you send in people along the way and may they also have comfort; always, should they find themselves in despair, regardless what it may be.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen
Also God, if there is anything I missed in prayer that Mac may need, please help make sure his needs are met and mine also. You certainly know more about him than I do!!
Amen, Amen."
July 27
Today was a bit of an unusual day. I am unsure if I missed something good planned for me or if I evaded trouble. I don't easily leave where I have planned to stay for the night but I did tonight. If I'm being honest, the whole day didn't really feel right (though God was with me so really it wasn't wrong either). Just a few days till I get a whole bunch of things done, though the next few days might be super busy also. Should be starting the next batch of yarn in a few more days. I didn't count but I think the one I am about to finish is batch 5. I am in a solid rhythm right now, but upcoming batches of yarn that are very fine so they will require smaller needles and more time. My patience is not far from being tested for sure. Even right now, I have knit so much that I am impatient with every row. I think that means I need a day off from knitting but then when I try to take a break from knitting I remember I have absolutely nothing else to do and pick it back up. There could be a day or two missed in the next bit though but I will still update the website.
I have had several dreams as of late. Some were of my mom but I couldn't remember them when I woke up and some were other things. Nothing pointing me in a direction with my mom's ashes as of yet. Waiting ever so impatiently and praying I don't miss anything important.
July 28
No pictures and tally update today and only 2 cloths knitted. We'll see what tomorrow is like...
Today was such an unimaginably difficult day emotionally and I think it might have been the most anger I have visibly shown since having been made homeless.
I feel like I wasted the entire day today (even though I got a lot done). Some of the things I said were just angry nonsense. Some of the things I said; I meant, right to my core. On everything I said, I pray for myself tonight;
"Dear God,
If anything I said upset you today/tonight, please forgive me and heal what I cannot do without your miracles. I ask so much more than just that though; I ask for a complete turnaround, better than I can imagine for myself and that it be so solid and untouchable that no amount of subterfuge or steal/kill/destroy can ever take from me again. I ask for nothing short of a miracle because regardless if I deserve it, so much has been robbed from me that it feels like Jesus died for nothing. They are still doing this to your people, 2000 years later, even knowing all they know now. I ask this from you, because you're a better provider than anything I or any one person will ever be capable of. I love you God. Thank you.
Amen"
... some part of me hopes God answers my turn it around prayer so hard that people are so jealous they start praying they'll be made homeless so their life can be as awesome as mine!! Some part of me, the sin nature; wants to laugh in the faces of people who hurt me so (though the Bible does mention preparing a table in the presence of one's enemnies- my desire to gloat when God answers this prayer is in faith, not rooted in greed). And. Even if God answers this prayer, I may not have the capacity to follow through with gloating. While I am hurting, ripped apart and devalued; I have every intention of gloating. But. Once the prayer is answered, I don't know if I'd still feel like gloating.
One thing I do know; God really did not bring me this far, just to let me down.
July 29-30
Yes it has been a very long and busy few days (this is a good thing and what I am working on is meaningful and God is most assuredly happy to see) and will be just as busy next couple days. I have at least 5 dishcloths knitted from the last few days but still haven't snapped pictures yet. Hopefully by Saturday, I'll be at least mostly back in routine (yes, even homeless people develop routines).
Have started the process for contact cards and then once they're ready, I'll mail the 50 dishcloths to my friend for her church!!!
July 31
I had to stop and spend my night praying tonight. I paused to update the site just now, but, I already feel better. I seriously cannot handle medications... 🤢 but it is imperative I take this one. It will only be awful for a few days, then should improve. Hopefully. But I have been through so much that I went down the proverbial rabbit hole with all the what-if's on top of reacting almost immediately.
"Dear God,
Thank you for sticking with me in sickness and in health. Please help this medication do exactly what it's supposed to do and nothing else in my body, while also ensuring nothing nefarious comes of it. Help me withstand any side effects or overcome them entirely so the medication can do the good work in my body that is necessary. Please don't let this medication have long term effects in any life, especially mine and help me to keep my strength as strong as I need it to be to keep surviving my circumstances. But most importantly God, please don't ever allow anything that would separate me from you. Not even for one second. I love you God.
Amen"
Tonight is the kind of night I have to also ask forgiveness for not putting forth my whole effort but I'll save that for when I close my eyes for bed. I still got much done. But I could have done better than I did and would have liked to do better. Thank heavens God is not fallible like we are!!!
