Stories Along The Way (August)
These sections will be mostly my journey updates. Eventually, I will add a whole section just for stories people have shared with me through this website.
August 1
Just about two months in to FundKnitter. Have knitted nearly 150 dishcloths and seen God's hand in it, nearly every day. Will this be the month He turns this astoundingly awful situation in to His glory story?
Didn't get much of anything done today cause still not feeling great from meds, though today was easier than yesterday. My to do list is almost handled though. A few more days and I'll be able to focus on the website better again.
August 2-4
Starting the next batch of yarn now!! Still have a little more organizing to do but- this is the last of the first round of yarn now, except for yarns I set aside as christmas yarns to do the Christmas collection. Second round of yarn was only one very stuffed bag (first round was 3 full bags) so maybe it will last 1 month. There's still tons of yarn but it's less and less appropriate for dishcloths. I figured out a new option for very thin yarns today though!
So much on the go at the moment. I apologize that I let my focus shift away from the site. For anyone who has been looking at the daily updates and felt a little disappointed, I thank you so very much for caring <3 I will miss days now and again though. Even God rested on the 7th day 🙏 and- I am anything but resting when I skip days posting...
The next few days will be more normal. I haven't even checked my email today, to see if contact cards are ready yet. I am so excited to send the 50 to my friend for her church!!! I hope it will be enough!
August 5
What a day!!
I went in and paid for the contact cards today and they may be ready as early as tomorrow but I might not be able to get them until Friday :D
I worked on the Christmas thing for a little while today but have not knit one single stitch on a dishcloth today (I may yet get one started tonight, possibly even finished- but by then, I won't have cell phone reception). I have organized the entire next batch now though which was a lot more work than normal because of delicate yarns. One set of yarns was at least from the 1980's probably the 1970's and is actual "lambs wool." This yarn is so delicate and beautiful and soft. I think it will felt if it gets put in a washer or drier though.
I will have to make sure I clip cards to them, identifying them as lamb's wool so folks getting them, know they'll just be decorative, not functional. I'll make those ones annoyingly small too ;)
Sun is just about to set another day. Winter is on its way already.... I mentioned today that, though far-fetched; God specializes in the impossible as far as truly turning this around is concerned. He will. Even if people try to stand in the way; He still will.
August 6
Well. Today was a whole other kind of what a day. So many underhanded references that I can barely process everything. I screamed at my cell phone company all the way over not having adequate coverage for so long and, that problem still is not repaired, so all my yelling was for nothing.
Though, considering I have only yelled one other time at anyone since homeless, and a handful of times cried while trying to talk so people call it yelling because they don't have a label for it but is really just me trying to still push through tears. I get this really high pitched voice and I shake and cry- it's not pretty- it is a 100% trauma response to violence though and thanks to all the damage done to me, that will happen for the rest of my life and I will never be sorry for the damage others have done to me; not my burden to carry, don't hurt people like this if you don't want them to cry about it.
But today, I finally yelled about my cell phone problem. I did go back and apologize for yelling, though also acknowledged that I was pushed to yell through behavioral manipulations in the first place and identified I cannot detract from the very serious issue of reception loss and identified a few other things that were important.
Trying to get people to realize the permanance of making me homeless, the permanent effect that has happened to me and how much people fake empathy while completely ignoring the fact they have homes and have no idea how rude and callous they are (or they do know and think they're being smart- which has also happened more than a few times); is not even possible. They prove one thing though; the notion of empathy is really apathy sounding kind.
Managed 2.5 dishcloths still though. Today was not a complete waste.
No matter what, I will never be at home again. I even had to tell police when they told me to go pack a bag "this is not a vacation, you are removing me from my home." It was utterly ruthless to evict me from my home.
Thank God it hasn't happened to you.
August 7
Today I got the contact cards and mailed out the first set of 50 for my friend's church!!!
My cell phone company claims the problem will be sent to teir 2. For how much I had to fight at teir 1 with nothing done... ugh. Anyway, in order to update the site, I had to go somewhere I would have a signal. Posts may be all over the place for a little while. Or indefinitely. Because; as if. They wouldn't have done this in the first place, if they didn't already know they'd fully get away with it.
August 8
Some days are definitely longer than others. Waited all day. Waited for the rain to start, waited for the rain to stop. Waited for mosquito bites to stop being itchy. Waited for the mosquito to get me again. Waited for a signal. Waited for the patience to stop throwing my phone at the dash board. Waited for dinner. Waited for God. I waited so much today that I forgot what I was waiting for!
August 9
25 dishcloths ready to go for another church!!! I will not have to mail these ones though.
For mailing, 50 is pretty much the most I can do. It was so incredible walking in to that post office, bag full of handmade dishcloths, all with little contact cards on them <3 sure, I have had a rough several days and screamed on the phone, but Satan must have loathed seeing my smile when I sent those off!! :D
Have handed 2 contact cards to people who asked about my knitting and will leave a stack with my friend featured on the front page of this site too.
I may not be willing to fall in to the entrapment games folks want to push me in to; but God has held me up through this, all the way.
First, my belief in God was attacked. When folks saw they couldn't break that; they tried to make me believe God hates me. When they saw I credited God for literally keeping me alive, more than once through this; they tried to belittle and diminish me- make me the culprit in all things and have even gone so far as to suggest I don't believe in God the right way 🤣
My faith, has been so strong through this that God is probably laughing in satans face. I knew my faith, God knows our hearts. At other times in life, I have rejected the Bible because people use it to be so awful. When my mom died, that changed in a very big hurry. I had done some bible study when I was younger but never eat, sleep, breathe it (though I dare say that I was hurt so badly that God is the only one I trust anymore and I still have to live on this planet so that is a problem).
There are so many people who can study the bible their entire lives and never really hear or become close to God, no matter what other advantages they have. God protects people who are walking in his light, from the things the people who use the bible to do dirty, come out with.
If you have ever met God though, you could never tolerate what people try to interpret or enforce.
The bible clearly states God did not want kings etc but the people needed it. As many references there are to connect old and new testament, there is also a massive lens most people forget to see through; the human condition.
Everyone in theology will stand there and say, we're all sinners but then forget so were the writers of every part of the bible (I fear also that folks use that expression in ways they should know better- but- that's exactly what makes the road narrow). God's hand shows through anyway. God's love pours out anyway. And God's will will never be stopped by anyone.
The words God wants you to see in the bible, will never be hidden- you can thumb through (if your hands are big enough) and still catch the exact words God wants you to see. They jump out off the page if you heart is with God. Some people hang their hats on memorization but for every verse memorized, at least one other verse must also be kept in mind. Plus, the same verse can have different meanings at different times in your life. One day, "Rise, take up thy bed and walk." (John 5:8) might apply to you to give you motivation to remember to fully heal after ailment. The next day, that could be overworking yourself or being disobedient to God's will for you. God's Word is more than just the words on the page. God will never miss a chance to fill your cup. Even when people work hard to utterly destroy you. Even when you're outnumbered. Even when they outrank you. Even when you see yourself as a nobody. To God, you're somebody. Always.
August 10
Well. Folks like to say "satan will attack the hardest right before a breakthrough." Mostly, people just use that as an excuse to belittle and possibly even abuse a person already in circumstances hard enough that they're praying for God to step in in the first place. But. Yes, I am absolutely under attack. I am so incredibly grateful for the few people who don't play drag me down more and are reasonable to get along with. Thank God for God's people. The real ones. The ones who quietly say, "Good for you." When I have to stand up for myself. The ones who are salt, not salty. You are appreciated. Even though you get no special mention. Even though it's entirely thankless. Even though you're so afraid you'll be targeted next that you have to block your own self from realizing the trauma I am being put through. I thank God for God's people. The real ones.
And we won't have to share heaven with them. Satan absolutely does not rule earth. This is the place where God separates the wheat from the chaff. The road is narrow. The more people hurt me, the more I see exactly why the road is narrow.
I did knit a very little bit today but mostly spent the day organizing the ends from the dishcloths. I can hardly wait to start posting that!!! So far, 96 bits of ends 😃
I did a whole bunch of very aweosme other things today too, they're just not things that will get posted to the website. God sees and God is pleased.
August 11
Nearly half way through August already and still no idea what to do with my mom's ashes. God is definitely making sure I hang on to them- at least for now.
Got some knitting in today, but haven't taken pictures yet.
Had some sort of allergic reaction to nothing specific I can definitively pinpoint, yesterday. Took until 4am or later before I could breathe properly. I am about to sleep so hard I might even snore. Thank God for the setup I at least have for now. Angry as I am; today I saw a situation of danger out in the streets and I threw up in my mouth a little (metaphorically) as I started saying, that's what folks intend to turn me in to. May it backfire so hard, that I will never ever feel that way again. When God shows up in His perfect might, I will smile all the more just because He really really did turn it around.
I have maybe never looked forward to anything, as much as I look forward to God demolishing everyone's malardly plans for me. When it happens, I wonder if God will answer it so completely that I never again have to waste my prayers on things I should never have needed to pray about in the first place. Greater than we can ask or imagine.
August 12-13
I had nothing to really update about yesterday, so I waited until today to update.
While I was charging my phone today though, a man came around handing out cards that said "Don't give up." And I handed him a FundKnitter card. Just moments before he came, I was thinking about how I left my completed dishcloths in the car but needed to keep charging my phone so if anyone was curious about my knitting, I'd only be able to hand out a card, no dishcloth. Had I got up and gotten the dishcloths when I was thinking about it, I probably wouldn't have made it back in time. Luckily I do keep some cards with me at all times, for that reason.
Reminds me much of the readiness story with the oil. I was prepared enough to not miss any opportunity but could have done better.
But. Now I have changed my organizing so that completed cloths and current knitting are all in one bag. I was previously worried about the weight if I did that because of my neck injury but the points I have to carry the bag are never very far and the bag is still less than 10 lbs. It should be ok. If it becomes to heavy, I'll find a way to reorganize again.
This is the lambswool that I think is from the 70's or 80's.
Wool is the reason children took their mother's knitted things, for granted. Soft as these fibers are, they are so incredibly irritating 😅 after a few dunks in dishwater, the loose fibers will shake off, but- the first few times it gets used, it will leave fibers on everything. Including your hands!! That said, these ones will be amazing once the loose fibers work out. As long as it doesnt felt. Don't put these ones in the drier and if you can, soak them in starch regularly.
This yarn is so soft but firm too. These ones will be a kitchen favourite once they're broken in a bit!!
August 14
Today's theme was entirely getting carried away... and not the rapture kind!
I was really bad at time management today. Luckily I had no schedule to keep or I would have been toasted. I still got toasted but it was more like a nice golden glow from the sun!
I had so much to do today and even got a little extra done. But. Knitting got set aside (almost along with dinner) so I only got one dishcloth done.
I got really stuck on one thing in the bible that I have read and reread several times this week, trying to figure it out. I did have to finally ask and it was explained and the explaination made much more sense than what I was thinking. Though, what I was thinking surely put a smile on the face of the church members who read my message 😀...
Even got carried away reading the bible. I had planned to get my reading in before it got dark out but started messaging instead and ended up having to read in the dark, resting the book on the door of the car with the window open, using the parking lot light so I could see (I also have a flashlight on my phone, but handheld flashlights are just not feasable).
Even got carried away, several times, making this post! ...
Maybe I will also get carried away dreaming about God!! <3
August 15
Congratulations post mail on delivering the dishcloths!!! So far, I have used the same postal service and will try to stick with that since I heard they have been struggling in recent years too. One more customer for them.
My friend got the ones for her church earlier this week and will hand them out to charitable kitchens around town, or anywhere she thinks would be suitable. I didn't mean to cause her extra work to do but it is probably better this way.
If you read this and you have a job like cleaning homes or real estate agent and are considering helping, I can provide you with dishcloths for staging that you can then pass on to your clients as a gift. Not only are you helping save a life but your clients will be unbelievably impressed and if they ask if you made it yourself, you can tell them this homeless girl knits them to keep herself going and they'll be even more impressed at your big heart!
The possibilities are endless.
I am certain that the excuses as to why I was made homeless will start to surface and come what may (that story changes almost weekly in the telephone game anyway). God saw the traps that they trapped me in. God saw false witness take place against me. God saw it all and is not pleased with what happened. God will keep me safe but if you hear stories and have questions, especially if you are media; don't be afraid to get my side of the story. God sure already has it. I was brutalized and victimized by many. To the point that the church I was baptized in, deconsecrated just months after I was evicted. There was a huge court order saying this was never allowed to happen to me. It happened anyway. I have enemies. And some of them talk a very good game about how righteous they are. I beg to differ but, I guess that's why I've been left to survive 3rd world poverty conditions in one of the richest countries in the world.
I have certainly made mistakes along the way. I am not perfect like Jesus was. I did not deserve this. God made a way, knowing they would not change. God has personally kept me alive multiple times as I continued facing attacks on my life. This was not God's plan for me but He still is carving a path for me. And. He is going to floor everyone with how he really turns this around. No matter who thinks they'll block it; God is bigger. Every block, will only make it even bigger. God wins.
August 16
Today my downgraded licence was sent in the mail. I am no longer an ACZ licenced driver. I am told "I can get it back" but I know I will not. No sense putting false hope where there is none.
However. As I very firmly held on to the fact that God will turn this around, I got not one, but 2 different rainbows (symbol of renewed covenant) in an hour, in two different places. God made a promise to me when I was quite young, that this would never be my life. He is doing more than I can even ask for. Something wonderful was already blocked from me, yesterday. I am doing my part to eliminate that negative energy from my path, and God will handle the rest. Whatever got blocked, will only grow now. Thanks for the extra boost to whoever stood in the way, God loves multiplying his blessings.
On a brighter note; I got 38 dishcloths to go to the church folks who were so kind to me as I was first homeless through a church member today!!! Now, the folks who want to stay up to date with how I am doing; can 😃 ... and they will have the opportunity to see how much God's hand has been in my life, every step of the way. I have been beat up more than once in my life for speaking/singing of God, and even kicked around for praying prayers, hurt for showing any belief whatsoever. God has seen. But. Eventually, you become conditioned enough not to boast about God's work in your life. Now, those folks can know that they were kind to someone worth being kind to ;) If you were there and you are reading this; thank you. I never stopped thinking of and praying for you folks either. If there are not enough dishcloths for everyone, more are already being knit!!
August 17
Another what a day.
Pictures of a few completed dishcloths might get updated tonight yet, maybe not until tomorrow. Depending if I have internet after I charge my phone... if I even get that far. I keep re-writing whatever I wanted to update so I've decided to leave this as the most mundane update ever!
Except to say that today I realized how much God's Grace will show through in the pep in my step once he turns this around. Even in such turmoil, God's Grace has kept me smiling and loving hearted as much as possible. Once God turns this around for me; it really will be a "WOW GOD!"
August 18
Efforts are definitely under way to both convince me God does not have plans to prosper me and that I am not worthy. Don't get me wrong, compared to God, none of us are worthy. But. I am no less worthy than anyone else who is prosperous. In fact, I am probably more worthy than people who have had great blessings handed to them, because I have endured long suffering.
In any case, the notion of the attacks getting worse before a breakthrough, is playing out within and around me. Thanks to certain technologies, I have to now also discern things about tear gas. Thank God for discernment.
Folks are trying harder than ever to break my faith. But let me tell you about *another* rainbow today!!! This one was full circle (Revelation mentions a full circle rainbow around God's throne; has no relevance to LGBTQ things whatsoever).
The attacks came several hours after that. But also yesterday too.
God promised me this would never be my life. Whether I talk myself out of it or not, he's still going to undo this harm so fully that even I will be amazed. Though, God knows how easy it is to make me smile. Should have seen me laughing with joy about that rainbow. I almost didn't even see it either, cause I hadn't looked up and it was a bit behind me. In person, that rainbow was so magnificent. My phone has been dropped many many times so the camera part is cracked... in at least 4 places. The fact that I can even get as good of pictures as I do, is amazing. The feeling of God's Glory that came with the rainbow, it's not even describable. Or at least I don't have the capacity to speak to it.
Thank you God. For all you have kept me safe from, for everything you're about to do. And for everything I know I'll still need you to do after this nighmare is behind me.
Nobody can stop what God is about to do and delays, only will increase what they try to stop. We'll see if I get killed in the meantime or not. But. I know where I am going, death doesn't scare me one bit. I have fought hard for my life. Folks have been determined to tear it down. Their determination to break or destroy God's promises to me, is only leading them further away from God.
God asks people to spread the gospel, not use it to abuse. God asks people to love their neigbour, not cause homelessness. God asks people to be faithful, not destroy the faith of someone they would prefer to victimize. Nobody has authority over God. Not me, not anyone. And God doesn't lie. When He makes a promise, He keeps it. No matter who else ever lets me down; God never will.
Nobody, no church, no medical, no institution, absolutely nobody; has authority to pull or separate me away from God. God alone is the judge of that and His judgement CLEARLY says I am His, first and always.
Amazing and wonderful things are on their way to me, from amazing and wonderful God who loves me so deeply, even he had to tell the world about it!!! Amen amen amen! I love you too God!
August 19
I never want to remember this day. Which probably means it will be etched in my memory for the rest of my life. Thank God for my rescuer.
Today, somewhere in my heart, I decided that God did try to stop the eviction and they carried on with it anyway. Knowing something was blocked from me recently is enough to make me scream but I just can't give anyone that satisfaction.
I cannot count how many times the phrase "God will make away where there seems to be no way" as I started this website. I get very angry when people talk about rebuilding. Life is not a video game. You can't just hit the reset button. People who believe that are giving so much space to evil and either don't care or don't think it's a problem. God will restore all that has been lost, better than I can even ask for, more than people can even identify that I lost. Right now, folks just think all I lost was my cats, home and stuff. No. I lost years, hopes and dreams, dignity, health, trust in people. The list goes on.
I no longer even believe people won't hurt me if they have the chance and still made this website. That is a bravery you can't even assess without a psychology degree. But. It was the path God carved as I heard over and over "I will make a way, where there seems to be no way."
I sure hope God makes that way all the way, and fast. I cannot handle continuing to starve and live within an inch of not even having a car anymore. I have to. I have to keep going, in the circumstances laid out. But. God will make this way, one way or another.
I suspect that whatever got blocked, is gone now. I said originally, that it will only grow which will be true, but whatever was going to come, is no more. So the next time God tries, it will be bigger than whatever got blocked. And what got blocked was going to carry me well for a while. Very disappointing.
However. I will go to sleep not starving tonight after a day so hard on my body that I waited for death as the sun went down. If you have never been made homeless, do not dare judge me. Every day is hard enough without all the games people who all have homes and over all (even if hard) the lives they wanted for themselves. Don't ever try to say I didn't try hard enough either. I worked my ass to the core, endured physical violence and harassment just to keep the roof over my head. Believe me, if you had to face even half what I survived; you'd be crying in a corner begging for mercy. It is only by God's Grace that I have kept strong. It is only by God's Grace that I keep listening to Him. Nobody can or will ever separate me from God. And. Now that He's all I really have, He's all I have to talk about too ;)
I love God. He amazes me every day. He is awesome and if you don't know him, you're missing out. And I am homeless, still saying that. I may have dreamed about my heavenly home recently. If that's what that dream was... wow. Could have just been wishful thinking. So deprived in life that I created a place in my dreams that is better than anything I've ever seen. Psychologically speaking, I can see that dream as just wishful thinking. But maybe it was God showing me why I am holding so firm in my faith.
He will never leave me, nor forsake me.
He has plans to prosper me.
He has given me the power of discernment.
There will never be anything more glorious than when I get to meet Jesus, face to face. I think I will knit him a pair of slippers cause his feet must be exhausted walking with me through this <3
God did not choose a life of depravity for me. He absolutely will turn this around so strongly that nobody will ever be able to crush me again.
August 20-21
Not much to post about last couple days but huge amount done. Barely any knitting, but, still a couple dishcloths. Pictures tomorrow.
Thank you if you are reading this; for caring. I will have things to say again in the coming days :D
August 22
Today I couldn't figure out why I needed to be where I went tonight yet. Just before I packed it in for the night, someone handed me a fist full of chocolate bars!!! Big ones too!!!
If I can be that happy about a a random gift from another person, just imagine how good it makes God feel to be able to pour out gifts to us!?!! Though I think God gets a significant amount of credit for this as well because timing.
I had to be there. I almost wasn't. Plus, I turned around to make sure I didn't leave anything behind as I was about to head back to my car. The person gets full credit for being the one to offer me the excessive amount of chocolate but God gets all the glory for leading me and making sure it got in my hands!
Thank you God <3 it is not at all what I need either, so thank you for proving my point too; God is not here just to help us barely survive. He is here for us 100% all the time. He is not a corporation, operating only during business hours or caring more about production than people. He is not a slot machine you put a prayer in to with obnoxious arrogant 'answers' that feel more like you wished on a genie than asked God for help.
He is literally God who made everything. He is in us and we in Him. He is everywhere, all the time. He hears our hearts before we even have the words to articulate.
He even knew I couldn't figure out why I was here tonight!!
* In this picture, it was sunset and storming at the same time. Another rainbow!! (That's 4 in a week- one was full circle- nobody can stop what God is about to do to turn this around for me)
Just as I was snapping this picture, a HUGE fork lightning cracked across the sky. I missed by fractions of a second to snap the picture in time. The little light orb in the top right, was the last bit of that flash of lightning!!
When you see stuff like that, you'd be a fool if it didn't make you a believer!! Who else but God could have done that and made sure I was there to see it?! But that mostly everyone else, could only catch a glimpse?!!?
Please though, tell me again how God doesn't love me? ;) ... oh yes he does!!
August 23
What a full day this was! I only got one dishcloth knitted today but the other things I did were every bit worthy.
This website has so incredibly much potential, I will bring it whatever direction God says to. The things He is doing are much more than I can ever do in a day myself.
I will likely rest much tomorrow. Last week was a really, really hard week and this week promises to still be tough, though better than last week. But this week I have an abundance of chocolate so no matter how tough this week is; I have at least that <3 before being made homeless, I barely ever snacked. It was meals or nothing for the most part. Leading up to homelessness, I began to snack more (stress) and since beinf homeless, I can pretty much count how many actual meals I have had. Huge diet changes when you have no kitchen, though I have managed to still keep my diet pretty healthy, it is not very nutritionally balanced so now I am having to rely on supplements in place of food. It's really important to get as much of your nutrition as you can, from real, whole, foods. Chocolate for example, has properties that help your brain and nerves and hormones function correctly (yes, that is why women physically require chocolate when hormones spike or drop, stress is another big one). There is no supplement that replaces what chocolate does. Some supplements, you need the equivalent of 2 cups stuffed in to a little pill to be effective and even then, the secondary and tertiary nutrition is completely lost. I do not recommend nutritional supplements unless it's really important on something that can't be focused on with diet alone. Calcium and iron are the two biggest and most common nutritional deficiencies. Almost anything else, you can get by just keeping variety and balance in your basic eating habits. The protien idealism is just a gimmick. Even bread has protein in it. Even pasta. If you're buying anything "high in protein" people are laughing at you for it, somewhere in the world.
This week will have a strong focus on repairing bruised muscles and restoring nutrition. Especially now that I have this chocolate!! I am really looking forward to resting well tomorrow. I have almost nothing that needs to get done, except knitting and yarn organizing, too!!
August 24
Another batch of yarn is complete! I started the project with the ends today too! And. Almost done balling the next batch. A whole bunch of this yarn is just too thick for dishcloths so I will have to think of something else for it.
I think this is nearly it for the yarn I had. I will be able to improvise maybe 1 more batch though. And have at least 30 balls set aside as Christmas yarns for the special Christmas thing. So, maybe one more batch of yarn, then all Christmas stuff. I can barely believe how much I have knit through this!!
It will be more than 200 dishcloths. I think I might make a winter blanket for myself with the yarn that is too big 😀
I am *finally* reorganizing the blog section!!!
.... I made this update so early in the day that I finished most of what I spoke of, handed out another dishcloth and knitted the first one of this next batch. I will definitely make an extra blanket for myself with the yarn that is too large for dishcloths, will need a set of needles big enough for blankets so it will not get started until September. 5 balls so far. I will check the rest of the yarn for any more though. My day of rest was somewhat restful except that I only rested my physical body. I worked very hard on the website and at knitting related tasks. My body is less sore though, and that's what matters...
August 25
Today is the first update post since changing the Stories Along the Way section!
A very simple post for a very simple day.
I considered making the "the" in the Stories Along the Way with a capital T. The writing rules say it should be a small "t" unless it's its own title as if I were saying "The Way" which could only be Jesus and while God has shown through in every bit of this, and that title just happened to be the title I used; I am not Jesus and I considered it would be a form of blasphemy if I had written it with a capital T. So there you have it, explaination on something that probably didn't need explaining except that not everyone has the education to know about title rules in writing. I may make undetected spelling errors but I wrote a book. I am educated enough to know the formal rules in writing.
God shines through with every step I take, even well before I got evicted, even when I was a child. I have no doubt whatsoever, where I am going in the afterlife but I am not trying to step on God's toes.
August 26-27
Almost skipped a second day in a row posting. Had a really profound post to make and deleted it anyway cause it's just not the right timing yet.
Today was such a busy day that I can barely remember everything. I nearly lost my bag of completed dishcloths early in the day though and my heart was out for the day after that. Thank God I just left the bag at my friend's place.
Rest tonight is going to feel wonderful. As broken as I am by my circumstance, I am still ever grateful for what I do have. Thank God for what's left with all this devastation. And I pray God doesn't let it get any worse. I have no doubt God will bring me such abundance I won't know where to start. Better than I can ask or imagine. God did not create me to be a doormat.
August 28
Today I destroyed a scrub brush!!! Doesn't happen often, but when it does, there is such a sense of accomplishment attached to it!! That is next level right there 😜
I chatted with someone today whose circumstance is not much different than mine. With God's help, nothing... not even this website.... is impossible.
At one point in the day, I had myself convinced that because I have done things like, turn the other cheek, God doesn't like me (knowing he absolutely loves me though and it is because there are so many violent stories in the bible that I even got on that thought process). Luckily I talked myself out of that and realized, no no, that's the devil who doesn't like me. Then, God had a message for me. While a short video played that was about God, I just happened to pick up my bible and while the video spoke of chasing people's approval instead of God's, the line I was reading in the bible was exactly that too!! Nobody could possibly have set that up. I picked up my bible to move it for the night and happened to open it. I started reading while that video played. Goes to show how much I know even in their world, who is really God's and who is using God to execute abuse to people who love God.
Tonight, I just have to make this prayer for everyone who keeps up with the website to see;
"Dear God,
Thank you so much for even the doubts I have which fully end up bringing me closer to you and seeking your presence and know-how, all the more. I am not afraid to have doubts or be wrong in my thinking because I know you'll always, always steer me right back and what a feeling that is when I get a little extra God love in a day. Thank you God, for knowing my heart and being in it, even when I can't see how much you love me, I do see that my faith is still strong enough to talk myself through it with reason and responsibility. My faith could never be this strong without seeing your work in my life. Thank you for loving me. No matter how worthless everyone else ever makes me; you alone God, can make them my footstool in an instant. The anticipation is almost more than I can bear to wait but God, you are even here waiting with me. Hallelujah!
Thank you God. You made today a day to really remember, in all areas, even the tough spots that I should be ashamed of, but for your grace.
Amen."
... and ... just a few minutes after I made this post, my car wouldn't start. The battery is toast again. But. I think this was one of those scenarios where my car got zapped through its wifi signals that I can't even see much less password protect. A network that I have no access to, being overcome by people with access... how ridiculous. Why did they ever put this tech in cars if they didn't have a way to block that?! The cases you can buy won't prevent this either- because as soon as I pull the FOB out to use it- either in starting or locking the car, that's all they need. Well, this day was going to end strong. Now, we'll see if I even manage to sleep at all. With any luck, I can open the hood in the morning and won't have to bother my rescuer cause someone will come help. But. I really need to find a way to protect myself from this type of attack because once the cold weather gets here, not being able to start the car all night, can very easily be the difference between life and death. As if anyone is this vulnerable with technology in their cars. ... but... if I was able to block this zapping happening to my car, I'd be able to block the signal disruption in my phone too. ... and, if folks didn't have this way to attack me, the alternatives might be violence or worse, so really, I have to just keep letting it happen...
Though I do question if it was done because I accepted money from folks directly upon handing out dishcloths today... someone warning me gently not to take money directly and be patient to wait for it to come through the website?... Maybe... (other times this has happened have not been that, but this time it very well could be)... I did not ask either person for the money they offered today and not being buy and sell does not mean I can never accept money from people I have given dishcloths to. When I first started, I couldn't even make the dishcloths as fast as donations came.... maybe I should also consider praying God protects me wholly and completely from any setups to do me harm by both other Godly people or the enemy? ...
Motivational quote to close out the day, wrote about crying because God answered my prayers. Yes please! *greater than I can ask or imagine*
August 29
Rescuer to the rescue again ;) car started fine today. Recorded the sound the alternator made as the battery died out last night too.
Otherwise, today was quite a lovely day. Even had company to sit with while I knit twice today!
And got to give my rescuer a sneak peek of the special Christmas thing! I now have 3 knitting jobs on the go, and as soon as I can get the needles I need Monday, to make a blanket for myself with the yarn too big for dishcloths, I will have a 4th thing on the go. How to split the time for each one? .... needs first; dishcloths I'll keep doing at least 2 per day, except on the days where there's just no time and that is for very good reason. The next need will be colder weather, so thicker yarn blanket will be 2nd in line, though it will go fast because it won't be fancy and the yarn is big. Probably won't take a week. Then. I have to get serious about the Christmas one. I havent even completed the prototype yet, to know where I need to improve. I must have a completed pattern for this, before the end of September so that as I start running out of normal yarn, I can seamlessly switch to the Christmas yarn!! Ooooo this is so exciting!!!
For anyone checking in regularly, I should be ready for yarn sometime mid-late November. Maybe December. But.
I said recently that it won't be long now, and I know it to be true. God will not let me down and He has plans to prosper me. May I never lose sight that against all odds, with insurmountable barriers; God is still making a way in His glory!!
August 30
Today, by God's grace and the generosity of a couple people at a church I was at for a while, I was able to get the needles to make this blanket AND started it today!!
I will have to get a second set of these needles because the blanket is much too crowded on a single one. If you are ever faced with this problem in knitting, you can use as many individual needles for your working row as you need and just make sure you have stubs for the ends until you get to each one, so you dont drop stitches. Blankets are definitely easier with crochet for the reason of needle space. But. The silicone stubs work fantastic. They are very easy to lose when you take them off to start working on that needle, so if you get one pack, always buy a second pack as spares.
So far, I have the edge and starting of the body done. It will be basket weave with several colour changes that won't fully align with the basket weave but will line up with the basket weave at a few points.
And. It is already keeping me warmer, just by knitting it! Plus reduced the hand pain by switching to a whole different grip. Only got one dishcloth done today but came pretty close to finishing the second one. The blanket will probably go pretty fast!! Though I am questioning if I have enough yarn for the size of blanket this will be.... we'll see ;)
Tomorrow will be quite a busy day :D
August 31
Almost 10 rows added to the blanket today(7)! Got 2 more sets of the needles I needed and stubs for the ends so the work doesn't fall off. Though it still has tried to a couple times. Had a ridiculously busy day today and somehow still managed to knit 2 dishcloths too (yes my hands hurt, no there is no way to stop that from happening)! Still have more to do tomorrow but the time sensitive stuff is all handled and the blanket is well under way now and technically, that means the entirety of the money folks from the church spent, went right back in to knitting. Though I am knitting it for myself.... unless God fixes this nightmare so strong that I can never be attacked again.... in which case I will give this blanket away. Once I am a little further, I will create a page for it. It's not a surprise for anyone watching the website so I can talk about it and post as many pictures as I want. Other things I knit, are always for someone, so I can never share pictures until it's done!!!
I included a picture to show the 2 sets of cabled needles meeting in the middle. I havent measured it yet, but it is at least a little longer than my arm span. Me sized. But. I definitely do not have enough of the thicker yarns. I am guessing not enough by at least half. For the border, that will be a problem. I have figured out the work around but if I can find another ball of the border yarn, maybe 2, that would be best.
It is coming along very very well so far though :D I have forgotten on several rows already, to knit in to the back of the stitch though, so the edges won't look as sharp in some places.
